Introducing the 5 R's of Relationship

In some of my past blogging, I stated that there is a fundamental desire in all of us to be in relationship, and to develop relationships that flourish. The desire for relationship and developing deeper relationships is a basic and universal human need. This desire is a more popular subject today than at any other time in history. There are thousands of books written on relationships. Television shows talk about relationship. Individuals talk about relationship. Counselors, therapists, and success coaches talk about relationship. In spite of the interest and awareness, and an abundance of information about relationship, this greatest of all desires is largely unfulfilled. How can that be? Perhaps with all this information, we are still uncertain or confused about the vital factors that contribute to deepening relationship satisfaction.

Making the Choice
The process of choosing and deepening relationships is interrelated. At each point in your relationship, you and those to whom you relate may choose either to develop or not to develop your relationships further. How do we make that choice? Of course, there are many ways. One person described her experience as jumping belly first into the water. I gingerly test the water with toes, feet, and then slowly edge into the water. I temper my approach into the water with caution depending on whether it is a warm day in June versus a hot day in July. If the sun is shining or if it is overcast, I approach the water accordingly.

The same is true in relationship.

We are continuously feeling our way along in the meeting with another. We test the temperature, gauging the mutuality and connection, and then step back to assess how it feels, and whether the other person or persons have a reciprocal response. A multitude of factors in our environment are considered in going forward. Sometimes, no holds barred, we jump right in!
I offer the following five R’s to throw into the mix of discussion around this very critical topic: Rewardingness, Reciprocity, Rules, Resourcefulness, and Relationshift.

Rewardingness
Webster defines rewarding as a sense of reward or worthwhile return. We are building on this definition by defining rewardingness as an ongoing exchange and flow based on mutual benefit for all. This exchange may be in providing services or products, or sharing learning, contacts, or resources.
There exists a fundamental psychological principle that people are more likely to repeat behaviors that have rewarding consequences for them than those that do not. Relationships are likely to deepen if partners can increase the range and depth of the mutual rewards they receive from one another, and if they are able to sustain a high level of mutual trust and benefits.
The relationship provides joyful experiences. This is the reward itself!
Phil Black, a student, writer, and teacher of Gestalt Psychotherapy poses the rhetorical question “…when all goals are close to equal, what determines who we remain in relationship with whether it is business or pleasure? It is the relationship itself that determines this decision—the ease and the pleasure derived. In the end, there must be joy: a laugh, a smile, or we will not find satisfaction, and we will not stay with or return to.”
Capturing his remark and adding, yes, it is the reward of the relationship that keeps us involved.
Reciprocity
Webster defines reciprocity as a corresponding and complementary exchange: the quality or state of being reciprocal. Through mutual dependence, action or influence, a mutual exchange of privileges takes place. This definition fits well with the underlying intention that is inherent to a relationship focus. Most long-standing relationships are grounded in some form of reciprocity in the giving and receiving of rewards. Cunningham and Antill (1981) observe, “It is indisputable that most human relationships are based on considerations of equity and exchange.” Sharing this view of reciprocity as a joint responsibility enhances and deepens the relationship and the connection.

Rules
Rules are defined by Webster’s New World Dictionary as an established regulation or guide for conduct.
The definition for the purpose of this article is to reinforce that each of us brings rules to the relationship based on many personal factors and that rules also emerge in relationship. The personal factors, to name a few, may include personality characteristics, boundary preferences, time availability or urgency, level of experience, geographical or global factors, comfort level, life focus, or monetary needs/constraints. The rules that emerge are based on the reason for the relationship, the length of the relationship, the level of established trust, and the degree of confidence that exists. Rules constantly change as the relationship changes. While rules may become formal or contractual, rules are often informal. Relationship rules provide guidelines and clarify expectations for your own and your partner’s interaction. Simply put, rules are the conditions for relationship. Remembering to look at these rules from time to time helps uncover whether the relationship rule continues to serve you well, or whether suspending or replacing the rule would serve the relationship better.

Resourcefulness
Webster defines resource as a source of information or expertise; a source of supply or support. Resourcefulness is the ability to effectively and efficiently respond to problems and determines resources that are important (people, technology, materials, services, time, et cetera.) Resourcefully, responding to the need in the moment calls for attention to ongoing and emerging needs. This constant reevaluation help answer the question what is needed now. The ongoing accumulation of knowledge and skills help you become more and more resourceful in relationships. Further, resourcefulness helps in the taking of a large network of contacts into purposeful connections.

Relationshift
The spirit of the word relationshift reflects that a relationship never really ends, it simply flows to something else—through a relationshift, the relationship becomes relevant or figural again when time, opportunity and a mutual focus reemerges. The concept of relevance further expands the definition to consider the questions who, why, when, where, and how. We have changing needs and we need to ask a host of questions as we go forward in relationship. Paying attention to relevance in a given situation keeps an “on-target” focus toward developing that which currently aligns to what is most important to self and the other. In short, relevance is constantly changing. That is the very reason attention to the shift taking place in relationship is important.
While the relevance of the relationship is changing in the present, it is also imperative for all of us to understand that relationships, as a whole, always have been and always will be shifting! A collaboration ending now, may come back again twenty years from now. Relevance reemerges, if you will, around a common goal. Developing a meaningful and quality relationship is the lifeblood of taking your personal and professional relationships to the next level--lifting up and helping others along the way. When we look at a relationship with these eyes, we see that we can easily pick up again as we move forward in our personal and professional life.
The five relationship factors presented above are in my opinion foundational to taking your personal and professional relationships to the next level. The 5 R’s, rewardingness, reciprocity, rules, resourcefulness, and relationshift, support a relationship focus whereby new possibilities are continuously created. Each of these factors describes a context for the existence, the fluidity, the vitality, and the richness of the relationship to emerge and flourish. The 5 R’s reinforce the importance of paying attention to the relationship based on benefits, common interests, resource identification, expectations, requirements, and mutuality.

Until we meet again, be safe and enjoy the joy of interaction.

Attention to a Relationship focus

Motivational experts in the last century proposed a timeless and sustaining theme in the study of motivation: human beings throughout the world, share fundamental needs. On a continuum from physiological and survival needs to reaching to realize full potential, the central element threading throughout is the need for affiliation. Human beings have a need to be in relationship.

What is relationship? Simply put, relationship is a flow of feeling's.

This flow of feeling's may be between you and a higher source, between you and nature, between you and your environment, or between you and another person. In this flow, an opportunity exists to experience connection. With another there is an opportunity for individual and mutual growth and support. We, as human beings, affect and are affected by others, help and are helped. Individuals have the opportunity to reach individual potential far beyond what they are able to do on their own, and to co-create when truly engaged in relationship.

Attention to a relationship focus takes this premise to the next level - All of us need enhanced relationship focus to maximize our full potential!

How does this need for relationship play out in life?

Let's think about this together - A person is drawn into relationship based on the joy of interacting with another person who shares a similar view of the world and incorporates fun, ease, energy, reliability, and creativity into the interaction. When these characteristics exist in business relationships, overall satisfaction is enhanced while helping each other obtain financial and professional success and enjoyment.

Creating personal and dynamic success in all aspects of our lives, requires attention to building our relationship skills.

The 21st Century is an unprecedented time. The pace of change is so rapid that working at multiple levels with a wide range of partners and with a multitude of associations is paramount.

The biggest challenge most people face is the ability to successfully build the kinds of relationships necessary in order to have the kind of success to which they aspire.

Here, for your consideration are underlying thinking and guiding principles:

* The 21st century calls for self-knowledge and directing one's own life. Hence our number one guiding principle is to take leadership in your life's direction. Consciously and constantly choose the direction of your life toward that which is most important to you.

* To effectively align your choices, your time, and your energy, you must live purposefully. To do this, you must know your life purpose.

* To be successful in building relationship with others, you must first start with building a successful relationship with yourself. Self-knowledge is the underpinning that helps you persist in the direction of relationship success.

* Multiple visions for your life exist. Futurists predict that in the 21st century, each of us will have many careers. Identifying and defining your life purpose is the foundation; clearly aligning your career visions to your life purpose will create the vitality that will help you sense and seize business partnerships and relationships in the now and in the future.

* A clear distinction between NetBeing and Networking exists. Networking provides a situational focus to gain competitive personal success and for individuals to connect with others to accomplish individual project tasks. In NetBeing, individual purposes overlap and a joint focus fosters mutual and multiple successes. NetBeing transforms networking contacts to a relationship focus through person-to-person connection. NetBeing links creativity, resources, and ideas, people-to-people in mutually supportive, rewarding, and purposeful relationships over a lifetime.

* Creating success for others along the way takes on a life of its own! Through helping others, tangible and intangible rewards create magical and mysterious outcomes for all parties.

* What you have traditionally done to satisfy people is not enough. Individuals want a deeper connection! New ways of showing up today and beyond must be continuously considered.

So as I get ready to take on the day, my question to you is the following:

What are you doing to built out deeper relationships with the people your meeting and the people you currently know?

Secrets of Building Stronger Relationships That Grow Your Business

The true value of a good business relationship has never been higher. Strong relationship management is an investment that is virtually guaranteed to pay dividends. You can’t say that about advertising, sales promotions, or real estate holdings. Only relationships have the power to truly drive business. Good relationships drive business to you. Bad relationships drive business away. Obviously, you would want to maintain a good relationship with existing clients. Take, as proof, the finding of Internet market research firm DoubleClick. Their studies showed that repeat customers were exceptionally valuable. They are the ones that spend the most time looking at your website, are most likely convert to sales (20% more), look at nearly 17 pages each session, and spend the most money at about $180 on average. And, if it works that way for fickle online customers, just imagine how it works offline. But, even before we have the chance to know them as customers we must work to build strong relationships with them – even if that work may not come for two, three, or more years. We must be continually planting the seeds. In order to get new business, we must regularly be out there cultivating relationships with a strong network of personal and professional contacts. The key to great relationships is to start off on the right foot from the first interaction you have with someone. Begin by getting to know what your new contact values and how you can help them get it. Share your skills, knowledge, and advice freely. And, focus on achieving mutually beneficial goals.It’s clear that people prefer to do business with those they like and trust. Research has shown that certain traits are sought when looking for a business partner. See how you stack up with the following:


True to personal values – They do what they say and say what they believe. Accept personal responsibility – If something went wrong with an order or project, they don’t waste time pointing fingers. They are quick to accept responsibility and to make it right. Envision goals and aggressively pursue – They know what it takes to achieve their goals and they work smartly and diligently to achieve that goal. Communicate effectively – Ideal business partners listen well to others ideas and can express their views clearly and convincingly. Value others’ time and talents – These individuals realize it takes a team to make projects happen. They enjoy bringing different perspectives together and look for the unique skills of each team member. Understand that relationships are interdependent - They seek mutually beneficial goals and can work with others to achieve those goals.Action orientation – The best business partners are doers. They lead by example and encourage others to action.

So how did you stack up? If it’s not as well as you would like, now is the time to start taking steps to make yourself more beneficial to clients, potential clients, and networking contacts. Regularly reassess your progress at becoming a value-adding resource. The strong relationships you develop – and the future business that is sure to come – will be the reward. And, once they do become customers, remember that goal of mutual benefit and stay true to your good service promises:
· Respond to email quickly – preferably under 24 hours.
· Follow up on all orders – make sure they’re happy with their purchase and suggest other services if appropriate
· Stand behind your product - give refunds promptly and unconditionally when requested.
· Ask their advice – get customer feedback on surveys or other mechanism.
· Share your knowledge – write a newsletter or share valuable tips and information to clients and friends.
· Make it easy for them to do business with you – streamline the process so it’s painless for them to use your service.
Ron is the Chief Relationship Officer and founder of the Relationship Strategies Institute, a training and Relationship development company that provides innovative, effective and relevant programs and systems for corporations, organizations, and associations. To learn more about the value of Relationship Development, visit their Web site at www.RelationshipStrategiesInstitute.com or e-mail him at – RS@RelationshipStrategiesInstitute.com

It’s such a small world isn’t it?

Posted in Biz Tips by Ron Sukenick on January 10th, 2007
How knowing what to do with your six degrees of separation can take your contacts into purposeful connection
“It’s such a small world, isn’t it?” You’ve heard the phrase dozens of times. Perhaps you’ve even used it yourself after getting to know someone and being surprised to learn that you have mutual friends or are in some other way connected. But, have you ever really stopped to consider how understanding this “small world” can help us achieve business and professional goals?
Social scientists have been trying to figure out these social networks since the late 1960s. What they found was that most people in the world can be connected to one another by six degrees of separation. All of the people who we know – our work colleagues, old high school buddies, and social friends – make up our first degree of separation. In turn, all the people they know become the second degree of separation from us. And so on, until we reach six degrees and can connect with just about anyone on the planet.
That’s good in theory. But how do we put the theory into practice and make these “small world” moments translate into real social capital? How can these relationships that I’ve established get me in the door of my target customers?
In short, you must be proactive if you are to truly maximize the power in the connection and to get the most from the interaction. Here’s one simple approach:
Step 1: Stay in the moment: Always be present when you’re meeting people and pay attention to what might be going on in their world.
Step 2: Always mention the names of people, places, events and occurrences: This will give the other person the opportunity to respond with the possibility a small world connection.
Step 3: Ask connecting questions like:- Do you know Susie Jones over at XYZ company?- You seam to be in a great mood – Do you mind if I ask why?- Have you ever been to the island of Kauai?
When you ask the questions, you’ll be surprised how quickly you can make the connection.Of course this approach is only as good your ability to “take the moment and dance with it.”
Now, here’s a true story that should clearly illustrate the Small World Theory:
I was attending the Home and Patio show one year at the Indiana Fairgrounds when I noticed a young lady sitting at a table and signing autographs. The signs around the table identified her as Bryn Chapman, the current Ms. Indiana. As you’d suspect, she was smiling, meeting people, and sharing her passion for a worthy cause.
I stopped, said hello, and after 4 minutes (of which I spoke for one minute and listened to her for the other three minutes), I ended our nice visit by saying, “Bryn, It was pleasure meeting you. Thanks for your time. Great cause. And good luck in all that you do.”
Now, move ahead six weeks. I was facilitating training for a private company. The participants’ instructions were “tell us who you are, what you do, and the thing that you’re most proud of.”
As we were going around the room, one gentleman stood up and said “My name is Dan Chapman. I’m the marketing director for U-Build it Corporation. And, I’m most proud of my little girl who is currently Ms. Indiana.”
Now think about it. At that very moment, I had two options. One was to thank Dan and then go onto to the next person for their introduction.
But as you would imagine, though, that’s not what I did. In the spirit of taking the moment and dancing with it, I steered our conversation as follows:
- “Dan, I think I met your Daughter!” Of course, this now gets his attention (which is the first step in the connection process).- He then looks to me for further explanation and I continue:- “Dan, I was at the fairgrounds the other day and met a young lady that said she was the current Ms Indiana. She’s a music major at Indiana University, came in 10th in the Ms. America contest, and was signing autographs for many young aspiring Ms. Indiana’s at the Fair. And, her name was Bryn Chapman. My gosh. I did meet your daughter.”- He then says, “It’s such a small world, isn’t it?”- I respond, “Actually, it’s not,” (this now gets his attention a second time) “unless you and I know what to do with the information. And, the fact is Dan that we do.”
Unfortunately, many people who have a prime opportunity to take advantage of this “small world” phenomenon, just don’t know what to do with the knowledge. But, by taking simple steps to seize the moment and to recall previous information at the point of interaction, we can create the connection that helps to make our encounters more memorable.Making the most from your interactions comes down to having a strategy in place. So, the next time someone says “It’s such a small world, isn’t it?” you’ll know that how to capitalize on that connectivity to grow your community of business allies. It’s not a small world. It’s what you do to connect the dots that makes it seem that way. After all, the power really is in the connection.

Ron is the Chief Relationship Officer and founder of the Relationship Strategies Institute, a training and Relationship development company that provides innovative, effective and relevant programs and systems for corporations, organizations, and associations. To learn more about the value of Relationship Development, visit their Web site at www.RelationshipStrategiesInstitute.com or e-mail him at – RS@RelationshipStrategiesInstitute.com.

Interview with Ron Sukenick by Josh Hinds

I had this short interview with Josh Hinds from www.businessnetworkingadvice.com back in November and thought you would enjoy it.

Ron Sukenick is the president and founder of The Relationship Strategies Institute, a global training and business development company that provides innovative, effective and relevant programs and systems for corporations, organizations, and associations. He is the author of "Networking Your Way To Success" and co-author of "The Power Is In The Connection".

Josh: How do you define Business Networking and why do you feel it is important?Ron Sukenick: While there is no shortage of definitions or interpretations of the word networking, I'll define it simply as the sharing of ideas, information & resources that one has to offer to another.From a business standpoint, and being in such a highly competitive world, relationships and the building of networks have become paramount in sustaining and expanding business opportunities.

Josh: Can you share one or two ideas that someone could put into practice that would help them to improve their business networking skills?Ron Sukenick: So many ideas, and so little room to share them. I always take at least 15 minutes before I leave an event to walk around the room and say goodbye to people that I met for the first time. You would be amazed on the impact at point of interaction the person your saying goodbye to has. Another idea is to put in place a solid system of follow-up that begins with a simple e-mail to everyone you meet within 24 hours from the date of the event. The impact is also pretty high in getting people to remember you. You would be amazed by how many people we meet never follow-up with you.Most people are going after the sale. I always go after the relationships.-You can visit Ron Sukenick at www.RelationshipStrategiesInstitute.com.

Networking is not what it used to be

Handing out your business card at monthly Chamber of Commerce meetings no longer qualifies as networking. Today’s business leaders know that real, profit-generating networking requires more. More strategy, more connectedness, and more trust.

I’d suggest we’re moving into an era where the relationship-based NetBeing, a set of attitudes and actions that foster real meaningful business relationships and build mutual trust, will overtake networking as a business development strategy.

Adapting to this new strategy brings its share of challenges but it can also yield great rewards. Partnerships form more easily. Sales and retention increases. Profits grow faster. After all success in business is all about relationships. Consider the following:

q It's more difficult for you to get a chance to do business with a client when your competition has better customer relationships.
q When surveyed customers who are most satisfied also state they have a strong relationship with their solutions provider. This fact is consistent even when service quality is below industry averages.
q The odds of selling a product to a customer that you have no relationship with are less than half what they are to those with strong ties.

Even the most aggressive networking has limitations. We must move our mindset beyond networking to NetBeing.
One of the key differences between networking and NetBeing is seen in the way relationships are viewed. Networking relationships are situational and transactional. NetBeing relationships, on the other hand, are ongoing and collaborative. By their very nature, networking relationships will end and NetBeing relationships continue long afterward. The relationship simply shifts. And, as we’ve seen above, that ongoing relationship can add future profits to the bottom line.
NetBeing also goes beyond networking to focus on mutual success and transforming networking contacts to a relationship that is mutually supportive, purposeful, creative, and rewarding. It’s the concept of giver’s gain – by sharing your knowledge, skills, and connections with others, you will eventually be rewarded several times over.
The real benefit of the NetBeing approach is that it forces us to start thinking of relationships strategically. We must consider the various ways we can add value to the relationship and how those relationships evolve over time.
RelationShift, consequently, has come to mean re-identifying the existing relationship as it flows into something else or changing your mindset and views of an existing relationship. For example, a former client takes a new job with one of your vendors. The way you work with them and add value to the relationship will necessarily change. Your respect for each other and willingness to work together shouldn’t change.
In short, think of networking as something you do to people some of the time and in some places. Meanwhile, NetBeing is something you do with people all the time and everywhere.